Sports Radio Satire: Miami sports radio stations announce they’re ceasing operations

LeBron James

MIAMI —

Miami’s four sports radio stations — WQAM, WAXY, WMEN and WINZ — issued a joint statement today announcing that with LeBron James heading back to Cleveland, each station will cease operations at the close of business today.

“This wasn’t a hard decision to make,” said Joe Bell, of WQAM. “As soon as we read LeBron’s letter on SI.com, we knew, immediately, that it was time to pack it in for good.”

“What else would we really have to talk about?” asked Dan Lebatard, of WAXY, 104.3 The Ticket. “While we all tend to pretend to care about the Dolphins, everyone, everywhere knows we don’t give two shits about the Dolphins unless they win — and that hasn’t really happened for decades. And the Marlins? The Panthers? The U? Please.”

This move is unprecedented. Never before have four sports-radio stations in the same market ever ceased at the same time. But never before has LeBron James screwed a city as he has Miami today ... unless, of course, you ask the now-joyful people of Cleveland about what like was like in the summer of 2010.

“We will miss having our local jobs,” a distraught Sid Rosenberg, of 640 Sports, WMEN, said. “But this, of course, opens the door for my long-rumored return to New York. And of course it helps I am on the air this week on WFAN — I can go right into (Mark) Chernoff’s office and hand him my resume. I just hope he says ‘yes,’ and brings me back.

“Screw the rest of their talent. No one is as good as I am or can bring to the table to energy I bring to my shows on a daily basis. No one at all.”

It is not immediately clear what will replace the four sports stations. But it did make for an opportunity for WFAN’s Mike Francesa to take a shot at Miami radio.

“I have no ideer how they had one sports stations, let alone four, OK," Francesa said. “OK?”

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