The day my great-grandpa’s dreams died, thanks to Jim Dolan

The following piece is satirical — which means it’s not real. This never happened. But who knows? Under the right circumstance, perhaps it could have?

NEW YORK CITY, N.Y. —

The late Seamus O'Shea

Yesterday, I posted a story about how Devils GM Lou Lamoriello was extremely good to me when I was a teenager. Today, I thought I’d share a story about how one of his counterparts, James Dolan, wasn’t so generous one day — around the very same time. But if you haven’t read the original piece, you should read the original piece first — by clicking here. Then, come back and read this ...

So I’ve never really hid the fact I loved the New Jersey Devils — and how I’m not overly fond of the New York Rangers. But the thing is — not everyone in my family is/was a Devils fan. In fact, my great-grandfather, Seamus O’Shea, was a huge Rangers fan. His claim to fame is that he was at Games 1 and 2 of the Stanley Cup Final between the Rangers and Maple Leafs at the old Madison Square Garden.

The Rangers won both of those games.

What you probably didn’t know is the Rangers were forced to play the next four games in Toronto because, as fate would have it, the circus was in town — and the Garden wasn’t available for games as it should have been for games 5 (and 7, which wasn’t necessary, thankfully, for Rangers fans).

The late-great Bryan Hextall Sr.

Crap — O’Shea even had autographs and black-and-white photos of his idol, Bryan Hextall Sr., a Rangers’ winger who has since died.

So my great-grandpa really loved the Rangers — and he had the proof.

But the Dolan family couldn’t care less about that. Not even when he was on his deathbed.

You see, my great-grandpa, at that time, had a serious disease. It was something he’d contracted during World War II — while stationed in London — called Bennyhilldehydrotritis, which caused him to not be able to laugh after drinking lager — and which, sadly, and progressively, caused his trachea to close up.

Boy was it hard for him to breathe. 

Somehow, he plugged away — and had one last wish: To see one last Rangers game at Madison Square Garden — not the one he’d been to in 1940, but the “new” one, the 15th one they’ve built, which, incidentally, is nowhere near Madison Square or Madison Avenue. Or wherever it is/was they named the place Madison Square Garden (was it Madison Square? Madison Square Park? Madison Avenue? James Madison?)

So in my infinite wisdom, I wrote to the Garden brass. It was a very simple text — so much so I can share it right here, with you.

It read:

Dear Mr. James Dolan and Family:

My great-grandpa, Seamus O’Shea, is 103. He was at the last-ever Rangers’ Stanley Cup Finals that ended in an actual cup. Today, 52 years later, he suffers from Bennyhilldehydrotritis, and his dying wish is to see, before he dies, his favourite team, the hockey Rangers, in person.

But as you know, tickets are hard to come by — and I beg of you — help us help him achieve his dying wish. Won’t you please help?

Sincerely,

Your Biggest Fan in New Jersey,

Kevin Canessa Jr., age 17

It didn’t take long, but I got a reply. It was faxed back to me the same day — I’d faxed the original letter to the Dolans.

It read:

Dear Kevin:

While we at the New York Rangers are very sad to hear of your great-grandpa’s Bennyhilldehydrotritis, regretfully, “no.”

See you at the Garden soon!

James Dolan

Chairman

It’s OK — we know Paramount owned the Rangers in 1992.

But with that, Seamus O’Shea’s dream was over. He wouldn’t get to go to that last Rangers game. Dolan simply said “no,” and with that, O’Shea began to slip away. Just a few days after he got the news he wouldn’t make it to one last hockey game, he finally decided it was time — time to give up, and return to his beloved Shea O’Shea in the heavens — yeah, there were a lot of jokes when Shea McShea married Seamus O’Shea, to become Shea McShea O’Shea.

And when he was buried, he sure looked good in that Devils’ jersey.